Happy and all of that

I've been thinking all night, what would Jared do? We had this same thing weeks ago with the "what would Janice do?" How would they deal with their own tragedies? I can't speak to what Janice would say, but I know Jared would tell me to get fucked and not worry about what he would do and I should do whatever I want to. And I guess that is what Jared would do... And probably Janice, at least in spirit. Shitty pun. Too soon. Ya, probably.

I missed my brother a lot tonight, but I was comforted by the (somewhat) unexpected attendance of Nate and Hope, and the baby Carmela. The little Mellow Yellow is the only small ape that I like at this point, and I gotta admit that I kinda like her (I'd lay down in traffic for that little worm...)

Holy shit, the Doctors have given me heart worms...

You know, this holiday sucked a lot in a lot of ways; but if it was going to suck, I can't imagine better people to have a sad holiday with. Thanks all. Seriously. I don't hold it together without you. Thanks for everything.

"Jared left us last night for what I hope is a land of natural beauty, where he can hike, bike, swim, play music, surf, and laugh with Jen and others who've gone before him. My heart is broken - Jared was an awesome and loving son, and a good friend to me, to Devin, & to half the world, it seems. He loved life, he loved people, he loved family, and he especially loved Lynsey - life will never be the same without him. It was a priviledge to be his Mom, and know his friends, and to have shared 29 years of his life with him.
Thank you to all for loving him, and loving us - it's been a terrible and an awesome time, we couldn't survive this loss without your love & support.

Chris

We plan to have an informal memorial for the family, probably between Thanksgiving & Christmas. Next Summer we plan to have a large party to celebrate Jared's life and loves, here in the yard, with a band. We'll let everyone know as plans develop."

"Jared passed peacefully this evening. Today, as every day, he was surrounded by those who loved him.

Words cannot express how much I loved him, and how much I will miss him.

Thank you all for your love, prayers and holding.

Take care, Greg"

"Jared rested quietly as many friends and family came to sit with him and remember the ways their lives have been touched by knowing and loving him.

It's been wonderful to see everyone during these last weeks and it's been a window into Jared's life I might otherwise not have seen. Stories told, a gentle touch on his arm, a quiet tear, a whispered word in his ear - the tender gestures of love, respect and sadness that often only show themselves during a time such as this.

I have deeply appreciated this time with Jared and those who love him.

Take care, Greg"

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to write. Jared's struggles will soon be over - he's not expected to live through the weekend. Greg & I are very proud of the young man he became, and feel honored to have known him for 29 years, and to have been so close to him and so much a part of his life, as parents, and then as friends. It's been an awesome thing to see the deep relationships he's formed with so many. It's been awesome to see him and Devin be such close brothers and friends, and so close to both of us and our spouses, when so many families are torn apart. He loved life, & lived it with gusto. And he loved people, and wanted them to gather together - what an honor for us to be loved and supported by all of you, and to see the caliber of people he gathered around himself. Life is just unfair. We love Jared with all our hearts, and we know he knows that, and knows how much you all loved him, and how proud we all are of him. It's hard to let him go, but unfair to try to keep him here. He's fought a difficult battle, and it's been against him all the way. I hope he'll be able to relax now, and enjoy his next journey, free of the hurts from this world. I envision him taking the boat to the Summer Country - green lands, snowy mountains, and blue oceans that go on forever, surfing and hiking and laughing and playing music (& probably drinking beers). Many thanks for all your love & support."

It wasn't signed, but I'm assuming from what I've heard that this is from Chris.

I don't know what to say or feel.

"Jared has been off all sedatives and pain meds since 7am, but he stopped responding to Neuro tests a couple days ago. His eyes are open, but fixed. His pupils sometimes dialate, sometimes not - depends on the time, I guess, and sometimes he blinks a little bit. He apparently feels no pain, and isn't fighting the breathing machine. Today he has a fever - about 101, despite being on antibiotics. They decided against the surgery to clear his lungs - it's too risky, especially with him in this condition - but his stats are ok for now, without it. Very, very bleak. They've spoken to us about Organ donation, and turning off the machines. They say the liklihood of a good outcome - 'good' in this case, meaning waking up, and having some semblance of "normalcy" - is unlikely in the extreme. I talked to Greg & we agreed that Jared wouldn't want that, but he would want a chance, for as long as there IS a chance - and we're not ready to make those kinds of decisions yet. There are too many cases where the "lost cause" patient has ended up recovering for us to give up this soon. We're all really down - as my neice put it, we've tied a big 'ole knot on the end of our rope, and we're just trying to hold on until Jared's ultimate fate declares itself. There is still hope, but these are very dark days...
Chris"

This is the last update from Jared's Care Page. Chris is Jared's mom. We should know more early tomorrow morning.

Damn

Ugh, I think I've finally got the swine flu...

And, my laptop needs a breathalizer. Or the very least the blog needs one.